Here we sit on the cusp of another new year - 2004. Security for tonight's celebrations is beefed up all throughout North America especially in places like New York's Times Square where there's always a huge crowd. Sad that this society has to live in such fear now. Perhaps the New Year will bring a swift end to this war on terror. Here's hoping.

Like most folks of late we'll be staying at home in our cocoon this fine evening. Its snowing like mad here in Vancouver. There's about 10 centimeters (that's 3.94 inches to you yanks) of the white stuff on the ground out side our house. The driving is treacherous enough without the added factor of the inevitably drunken revelers careening off lamp posts. It's probably best we stay in. Just getting to the train to come to work was a chore this morning. Carol had to drive as slow as someone's granny dazed by too much medication just to get me there in one piece.

What are we doing you ask? Carol is cooking us the turkey (bird not country) we didn't eat on Christmas as we invited out at the last minute. Our entertainment most likely flipping back and forth between Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve and the pay per view Canucks game. Anyway, a safe and happy new year to you and yours.

I used to listen to Art Bell and other conspiracy theorists talk about things like UFOs and the paranormal quite a bit. You could say I did so to the point of obsession. I guess I was looking for some kind of connection to something. Now that I don't feel the need to look outside myself like I did my motivation are more just out of interest. I saw a link to the UFO Evidence site in a newsletter I get every day and had a look. Fascinating stuff.

I think I'll re-read Carl Sagan's Cosmos. His statistics as to the probability of life elsewhere in the universe are compelling enough to have made me think (and that's something I try to do sparingly).

Sorry. I'm in a weird mood today. Could be the cold I have coupled with the horrific flatulence. I pity my co-workers.

Check out We Like The Moon. It's another rocking tune from Rathergood.com. Thanks to Jackson for poisoning my mind with this.

It's snowing here in Vancouver. It doesn't very often so it's kind of fun when it happens. In honour of the weather check out this snowflake maker that Rojia sent me.

Mine ended up looking like shirts and shorts.

Saddam is talking. The Chinese water torture and Justin Timberlake music must be too much for ol' Saddam to resist.

Hopefully Ozzy will be back to his old self in no time! Just like in this picture scanned from this month's Maxim magazine:


Get well soon Ozzman!

I didn't get one of these for Christmas (and I'm glad). I'm off in my own little world enough while driving. I think this invention is the final sign of the coming apocalypse.

You can keep tabs on his progress at the NORAD Tracks Santa 2003 site. Although he's already making his rounds (in India over the Taj Mahal currently) you can pop in to learn more about Santa at the northpole or at snopes.

I sure hope he brings me some good stuff. I was really good this year.

It's December. Time for an enormous amount of 2003 related lists.

Thanks to Jacksonian for the link.

MSNBC - First mad cow case investigated in U.S.

Close the borders! Madcow in WA!

(maybe)

Oh yeah, and, the sky is falling!

Malvo sentenced to life in prison without parole

You're 18 an you're never getting out of jail. Ever. Think about that.

As you're a famous convict you probably won't ever see general population, so the only people you'll have any contact with will be counsellors provided to you by the state (who will surely provide you with anti-depressants and other great drugs to ease your oh-so undeserved suffering due to your isolation from the outside world), prison guards and the characters on the TV in your cell. Thank God you were bad enough that you don't have to go through the degradtion of daily rape in the shower at the hands of some lowly car thief.

You can't attend school other that the correspondence courses offered through the prison rehab programs. You'll never have a real job, save the jailhouse lawyer gig for Jimmy your cellmate who hacked off his neighbour's head with garden shears in a dispute over dandelions, but wasn't properly read his rights by the attending officers.

You'll never have a wife outside of some whacko who gets off on the fact you're a murderer and is sickly attracted to that. The children that you father on brief conjugal visits will have the crap beaten out of them in school everyday as they bear the shame of your name.

You're paying for it now, buddy. Yikes. Your's is a fate worse than death... I think.

I'm sure it will sink in when he's around 25.

Mr. Kipling's Virgin Birth and Other Not-for-the-USA Fare:
Check out these ads. Be warned, you may be disturbed by at least one of these at some level (if you aren't already).

ALBANY, New York (AP) -- Comedian Lenny Bruce was granted a posthumous pardon by Gov. George Pataki Tuesday for a nearly 40-year-old obscenity conviction prompted by a foul-mouthed political commentary.

Finally. Bruce was a hilarious (yet tragic) figure in the world of comedy. He tended to push the bounds of taste and free speech right to the very limit, but were it not for him comedians like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy and Adrew Dice Clay never would have been as mainstream as they were.

Hold on. What am I talking about? They're all f***ing a**holes! F**k Lenny Bruce!

Read the full article on CNN right here.

A number of guys with the same name as I have have been emailing me of late with well wishes, hellos and holiday greetings. I'm saying hello, and the happiest of holidays to all the other Mike Brownes, variations thereof and pathetic (just kidding) wannabe Mike Brownes out there.

I send to you all a good Irish blessing:

"As you slide down the Bannister of Life,
May the Splinters never point the wrong way."

Lots of people loved Seinfeld, myself included. How often I have misquoted an episode whilst standing around the watercooler.

Well no more.

Now I can be sure of the text in every stupid conversation by using Seinfeld Scripts. Awesome!

One of my personal favourites is The Voice. "Hello-o-o-o!"

Thanks to Matt S for the skookum link.

Just about 60 lbs since last Christmas when the "then" photo was taken at the company Christmas party. Thanks to Dr Atkins (read the book and see a doctor before you diet) I'm not a tub o'lard anymore.

The down side to massive weightloss? Clothing looks like I stole it from a hobo. It's kind of expensive to replace everything. Other than that I can't come up with anything else.

Yahoo! News - Saddam was held by Kurdish forces, drugged and left for US troops

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.

Brownie sent along the following:

The ULTIMATE in political correctness:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

In addition my best wishes for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily
greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wisher."

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

Here's a monkey in a Santa suit for you to fondle.

Thanks to Steve for the pic!

I'm watching a stream of the Gary Ridgway, the Green River Killer, sentencing on the KIROTV.com site. The families are reading victim impact statements. It's very sad. Ridgway just seems indifferent to the proceedings. How on Earth could someone be so cold as not show any emotion when listening to this?

This man is nothing less than a monster.

The saddest part is the hate that these people, left behind, obviously have. The effects of such vicious acts, even these that happened many years ago, are still obvious and painful to observe. I hope these poor people find some healaing through all this.

The families keep telling Ridgway that he's going to hell. My thought is that he's already there.

I wonder if Ridgway is going to say anything.

Thanks to Pauly for the heads up on this.

Thanks to Todd for the pic.

CD Gift Advice, Parents and Kids. Apparently "CD's make bad gifts for kids".

According to this article from a crusty old stick in the mud at the National Post they should.

What's a 'kidult'? Someone who is chronologically an adult but continues to partake in activities that may be seen as childish by others, like playing video games or watching cartoons. Also, 'kidults' fear (loathe) things like marriage, having children and other responsibilities and balk against anyone who claims they should 'grow up'.

I say, "Good for them!" Even though I'm getting older I don't want to act old. Fuddy duddies suck. If it's true that you're only as young as you feel I'm doing okay.

Honestly, who wants to grow up to be miserable like we've seen the generations before us? Not me.

I personally still enjoy activitities like video games and cartoons. Most of the people I play online games with are over 30. There are doctors, parole officers, house painters and garbage men who all come together online for fun and a sense of community.

As far as cartoons go, even tough marketed hard to children there are great shows for adults as well. Watch an episode of The Simpsons, The Family Guy or The Oblongs and tell me that they're for kids and unfunny. Even Spongebob Squarepants is hilarious. If you remember cartoons have often been marketed to adults and kids at the same time. Take Looney Tunes and The Flinstones for examples of the same in days of yore.

Elf, a movie also slagged in the above article, wasn't childish. It was poorly written. As one reviewer said, and I concur, it was like watching the first draft of a script that got made into a movie.

What it means to be an adult is evolving just as everything else. Let's embrace it rather than become a society of old farts. If you want that you can move to Phoenix. Now give me a popsicle and pass me the gameboy.

Like Jackson pointed out, it's not a problem enjoying childish things the problem arises when it becomes such an obsession you completely ignore the world around you. Perhaps I'm more of an adult than I'd like to admit.

Thanks to Viki for getting me all riled up this early in the morning.

It's time to revisit The Cap'n's Unfortunate Christmas Cards.

Moosh, you're fired. Pack your things and get out.

Play XmasBash by Switch Interactive. Watch the trailer (you'll need quicktime installed). It's from Vancouver as well.

Make that $20k for some employees. Read more right here. All you union types out there take note. If you do a good job management might actually notice. These folks didn't have to go on strike (and probably won't).

Here's some more Photoshopped photos of Paris Hilton with her image cleaned up. Sorry Jackson not really nasty but funny as hell.

Man, I'm on fire today.

Technology has come a long way. Big Al Mac sent me this amazing link to prove it.

Yes it's that time of year again. Brownie a.k.a. Mike Brown (without the e) sent me this link to the BK holiday song. This time there are lyrics so you can sing along.

Kellie sent me this little flash movie. Just click on the word "play" by the google eyes when the page loads.

Schlemiel will enjoy it for sure!

"Where did I put that farkatke sleigh?"

According to this story the Port Coquitlam pig farmer is now looking at being tried on 22 counts of murder in total. Howdy neighbour. Yikes!

Check out this blog. It's the production assisstant's weblog from the new Spider Man 2 flick. You can watch the Teaser Trailer here. Doctor Octopus looks awesome.

Thanks for the link Jackson.

Big Al Mac pointed out something that I had noted on another site. It's the fact that that Saddam's capture photos made him look like the Cuban Assaassin from Grand Prix Wrestling in Atlantic Canada and Stampede Wreslting in Western Canada (as Tyler pointed out) during the 1970's. Perhaps they are the same person. One never knows. It would fit with his vicious profile...

UPDATE: Jackson on the other hand thinks he looks like Karl Marx. Now which brother was he? I don't remember him. Zeppo? Harpo? hmmmm. Not Groucho?

Perhaps it's true. Have a look at this (sent to me by Matt). Could it be that his own people were trying to collect the $25 million reward?

I'm done my Christmas shopping for another year! Yippee!

Looks like the BC Ferries strike is over. It's gone to binding arbitration. Great. However, this leaves the possibility of the whole thing happening again the next time the two sides need to negotiate a new collective agreement. The way unions seem to be set up now, nothing will ever be enough and people won't be happy until they can have 364 days of paid vacation and 1 sick day a year.

Too bad it didn't play out in court. The issues in this strike had nothing to do with the people who were seriously affected by it and I think the lawyer who was threatening a class action suit should follow through anyway. If this company and it's union don't get spanked over this one it will happen again for sure.

I've asked Carol to get me the Trailer Park Boys DVD for Christmas. This morning Nicole was using Bubbles (the character in the middle) as her MSN display picture so I was inspired to do a little post. Being from Nova Scotia how could I resist... I've even had contact with a character from the show J-Roc played by Jonathan Torrens (also of CBC's 1980's show Street Cents), through a university friend and his ex-girlfriend, Pokey!

Bubbles, however, is my favourite character on the show. Watching this foul mouthed, borderline retarded, 30-something year old who lives in a shed up to his usual antics is priceless. Check out Rate My Kitties: Bubbles' Kitty Corner and the Bubbles soundboard (165kb swf) made by Tube Socks on the www.trailerparkboys.org forum.

Sad thing is, there ARE people in (and from) Nova Scotia just like these guys.

Thanks to Big Al Mac for the picture.

Carol's mom is sending us some pelts and a stuffed tiger fish from one their trips to Zimbabwe along with our Christmas gifts. I guess she's in an African frame of mind because she sent me the link to a South African restaurant in Calgary called Jabulani. Apparently the cuisine is authentic enough for real South Africans to want to eat there. I don't see zebra on the menu which Carol has eaten (by accident). Mrs Swift, their hostess, in Zimbabwe said she was sure it was zebra they were eating as it was "quite gamey". Ugh!

Too queasy to download the Paris Hilton video we've heard so much about? Have you seen it and want a giggle? Check out Millionaire Playboy's - Paris Hilton Barbie. Poor Paris, she'll never escape the noteriety of this one. Note to all you young debs out there: When your scumbag online gambling mogul boyfriend offers to videotape your sex acts it's a good time to use that word you have such a hard time saying - NO!

I wonder if this flash movie will be part of the third LOTR flick.

This story tells of a Springer Spaniel who recieved the Victoria Cross for breaking up a terror cell. Moosh is a Springer as well, but I think the best she could do is nuzzle a bad guy really hard in the nuts while saying 'hello'.

Lynch's plan for world peace
create massive positive vibe: Canadian 'peace palaces'

Jackson, who dug up this bit of comedy gold, thinks this is a great idea - if you were dropped on your head as a baby.

The letter has been sent. It's out of my hands now.

I am. I scored 241 on this test that Nicole (also to be seen in the hot place) sent me. I actually answered honestly so I guess that tells a lot about my dark past. Yes, I am the one your folks warned you about.

As some of you know I am an adopted person. I have finally made the decision to begin the search for my birth famly. There seems to me to be no better way of chronicling the search for family, my new found insights, links, thoughts and feelings around adoption and my search than on the old blog.

This may bore some of you but may prove cathartic for me so I'm going ahead with it. I've created a new category called "Adoption" for the blog especially for these posts.

Anyway, let the games begin.

I read on Nova Scotia's Adoption Information website that I can apply to have the Adoption Disclosure Services Program staff search and contact my birth family for me with the hope they will want contact. As Nova Scotia is still in the 80's I have to send a snailmail letter. Here's the text of what I'm sending:

Adoption Disclosure Service Program
Department of Community Services
P.O. Box 696 Halifax, Nova Scotia
B3J 2T7

To Whom It May Concern:
I was born Christopher J. Croft on August 5th, 1969 at the Grace Maternity in Halifax, NS and was placed for adoption with Dr. Edward and Mrs. Marion Browne of Bridgewater, NS in October of 1969. I am very interested in obtaining both identifying and non-identifying information on anyone in my birth family (father or mother’s side) if that is at all possible. I see now from your website that on top of the current passive registry if the other people (in this case my birth family) have not registered, staff from your program will undertake the search on my behalf. I have long battled with the idea of reunion fearing the worst, but am at the point now where I’m willing to make the moves necessary to follow through regardless of the results. I do wish immediate contact with anyone from my birth family who wishes. Feel free to pass on my contact information as noted below.

Thanks for your attention. I look forward to hearing from your department soon. I hope you all have the happiest of holidays.

Sincerely,
Michael C. Browne

Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted.

Apparently after this story came out the Province ordered an 80 day cooling off period for the dispute between BC Ferries and It's unions. The reason I'm posting the article is for it's humour in the sound off section...

One of my faves:
"Excuse me! But these are not just catering or parking attendants. No no no, they are Culinary Service Consultants and Transportation Conatainment Specialists. This is why they're making the BIG BUCKS and we as the groveling tax-paying public should be appreciative of all of their years of expertise. I mean, hey, without these highly skilled public servants, how could we pay for our bowl of BC Ferry gruel or park like a can of sardines."

I've been in BC for 10 years and this is the first time I've ever heard of The Mushroom House in Whistler. It's an fantastic looking place; like something from a fairy tale. I'd love to see it first hand. It looks as though a Hobbit or the Keebler Elves would live there.

Here's what the site says about it:

"The Mushroom House, located in Whistler, Canada was first devised in the late 1970s. Zube, the artist/creator, has spent 22 years developing, creating and re-creating this haven and work of art.

The Mushroom House is now fully grown. We invite you in, to explore and to enjoy. Take your time.

The interior design is based on the anatomy of a tree. All aspects of the décor reflect this motif, from the womblike hues of the Jacuzzi room in the 'roots' to the vivid leaf greens on the walls in the 'canopy'."

Carol and I attended a Christmas party last night for a society we support. There were door prizes again this year and just like last year, I won! Last year it was a pair of tickets to a Canucks vs Predators game. This year I won one of these practice jerseys. I can't believe I won two years in a row.

Here's one to get Jackson's blood boiling first thing this morning

Remember the 7-Up character, Fido Dido? Well he's back for more. Now he can read your mind. Well he read mine anyway. Must be because I'm quite the simpleton.

Thanks to Matt S for the link.

Check this out. I know it's in another language but as near as I can figure this is what it's about:

At a 0% blood alcohol level it's easy to unlock the door, but each time you successfully put the key into the look you get more and more intoxicated. At 2.0% it is nearly impossible. Even after having had all the practice I have I couldn't get the key into the lock. Another night outside on the stoop.

UPDATE: I got it!

Check out American-Buddha.com - Buddhist philosophy. There are a ton of great online texts there for your perusal. Including some of my favourite authors throughout the ages including Aldous Huxley, St Francis of Assisi, Albert Einstein, and even Iggy Pop and the late, great Joey Ramone.

So much to read, so little time. But in the grand scheme of things does gaining worldly knowledge or even time itself make a difference?

Here's the text of her interview with Jimmy Fallon. I was playing games while this was on so I missed it. Carol told me about it and Jackson sent me the link.

Check out Chunky Soup's Click for Cans program where up to 5 million cans of soup will be donated by Chunky Soup and the 32 NFL teams with your help.

Ozzy says he was 'wiped out' on pills
What a stunning revelation. I don't believe the fact that he couldn't figure out how to change the TV channel with his huge his remote control had anything to do with drugs. No way! Not Ozzy!

Is this supposed to shock me? Anyone with half a brain could have told you that Ozzy was wrecked for the first two seasons of "The Osbournes". Perhaps it was the mumbling incoherence or maybe it was the staggering and the tremors that gave it away.

UPDATE: Ozzy Osbourne Badly Injured in Crash in England
All jokes as to Ozzy's sobriety or lack thereof aside, I hope he's going to be okay.

Carol sent this along...

What happens when you have:

1) nothing to do
2) a sharp knife
3) a large lime
4) a patient cat
5) too much tequila
6) and it's football season?

Check out this Holiday Snowglobe. You can pick it up and shake it.

Some people need driving lessons. But something tells me that learning to drive online like at this link isn't exactly the best way.

Thanks to Matt S for another great link.

Pauly sent me this game in which you have to fly a little helicopter through an obstacle course. And like he told me, "watch out it's rather addictive".

Go to www.google.com. When you get there type in these words:

miserable failure

Then click the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. It goes to an interesting page.

A hint - Jackson, the very Republican Canadian writer, now has it in for Google.

Check this out. It's the world's ;ongest slinky. With video...

Thanks to Matt S for the link.

Being interested in writing has driven me to read lots of mythology and folklore. Great films have come about due to the writers' interest and study of these subjects. It's great when You can find a repository of these stories online. It saves money and trips to the stupid library. (That's libary for Carol)

Goodyear blimp crashes. One minor injury.

Thanks to Bill G for the heads up.

Carol sent me this:

[This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner. The following won first prize:]

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?” "You're kidding me!" and "Who would buy that?” Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise.” She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.

Here is one man's obessive collection of stewardess uniforms. There's a load of them, but thankfully no photos of him actually wearing any of them.

Carol and I have been watching this Japanese gameshow, dubbed into English, whenever it's on SpikeTV. It's like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 meets Banzai. The voice-overs are hilarious and some of the stunts people have to perform are so out to lunch Carol nearly wets herself with laughter.

I foresee the whacko neighbour pounding on the walls in the near future while we're watching this one - there'll be no having fun here.

I'm not entirely sure but I think this story might just be one of the gayest things I've ever read.

My friend Big Al sent me this photo. At first I thought, "Teehee! What a clever jab at the well to do driver who's had an accident." Ah, the resentment of the haves by us poor have-nots. What pleasure we take in the destruction of their expensive toys.

Yet, upon further inspection you can see that the H2 truly is a tough vehicle and designed by Hummer to crumple the way it did in this obviously traumatic head on collision. As you can see the driver's compartment (on both vehicles actually) has practically no damage at all due to the absorbtion of the frontal crumple zone, thus ensuring minimal injury to driver and passengers. So an accident like this looks worse than it really is. The truck and SUV may be totalled but my guess is that everyone riding in them is okay. That's the important thing. You can go here to see how your vehicle would fare in this kind of crash.

Geez I sound like Jim Carrey as Fire Marshall Bill. "Fear not young lovers. I'm Fire Marshall Bill Burns, and I noticed your was side gettin a little warm south of the navel there son!" (110kb wav file).

Street named for Joey Ramone
Today I believe that people aren't all bad. I don't wanna be sedated.

I guess Picasso wasn't so hot after all. Now you can make your own Picasso painting. *sigh*

Thanks to Bill G for the link.

Here's one for Shlmiel. Check out Star of Davidson. That's right, Jews on Harleys!

This is some weird shite!

The 12 STIs Of Christmas
A reminder to use condoms.

Today is World AIDS Day. It's scary how such a serious disease has become such a part of our culure that it barely makes news anymore. My cousin, Rob McCall, 1988 Olympic bronze medal winner, seen here with skating partner Tracy Wilson, passed away from the disease 12 years ago.

Now I'm positive that Jackson hates me.

Only 24 more sleeps until Christmas. Woohoo!

Santa a.k.a. Satan The Great Imposter is on his way. Perhaps Santa truly is evil in even more ways than just the Billy Bob Thorton sense.