Only half price!

Welcome to Death - the last taboo.
A fascinating link even for someone like myself who was a gravedigger at one time. Here are some deathmasks of famous folks while we're on this topic.

Your friends may be up to something. Check out this ad: GolfBall.wmv (1.8mb) from Labatt by way of Adrants.

Check out the R0xor.com.worldometers. I stole the link from ewarz.

Check out the HumanDescent gallery. Yikes.

Welcome to Mandonna! The all male all live tribute to the material girl. Weeeeeeeeeee! How very David and Keith. If you watch Six Feet Under you'll know what I mean.

Check out Will Life Be Worth Living In 2,000AD? Boy were they out to lunch on a lot of their predictions. The line "Mail and newspapers will be reproduced instantly anywhere in the world by facsimile." pretty much predicts the internet, but other than that I'm not sure about the science in this article. Are things really so easy that people "die from sheer boredom?" I don't think so. However, I would like a 24 hour work week (but more cash). And the bit about refrigerted garbage is right on ... we seem to have a lot of that. Anyone up for 20 pounds of frozen blueberries?

I have 6 invites. If you think you'll use it, email me and I'll send you an invitation. Click on the contact me link on the left hand navigation menu to send me a message.
UPDATE: ALL GONE!

Play with a squirt gun and piss off a chick in this game. Thanks to matt for this one. I guess it's better than a pellet gun in the park.

My eye ... Argentina shocks U.S. basketball team

As you may or may not know I work in the gambling biz. So André's sending me this link to Odds of Dying is kind of up my alley. Thanks Dré. Long time no see.

Over the years I've auditioned for a ton of crap. Even though I got a few roles in short and student films, did some extra work and was in a couple of commercials my auditions generally had this feel to them: casting.mov (1.28 mb Quicktime file)

Thank to Chuff for this one.

WTF? I don't get this at all. Belly Dancing to Crazy Train? Okay. Whatever.

On his way to a wine tasting in Napa CA my friend Xero, who I play violent games with online, saw this sign and snapped a photo. People are always spelling my name wrong. I know this isn't one of those times, but how many f-ing times in my life have I had to correct people? Oodles. I should change my name to Smithe for God's sake.

Extreme Gravity Racing Series Lookie! It's Soap Box Derby for grown ups with cash. I would love a Porshe soap box car. Honestly, that would probably still be way out of our price range. LOL!

Grace sent the following email forwarded to her from a friend along with photos:


On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so that my wife could make it, which she refused to do. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures show the results of her work, which looks like $#!% but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along.

CAT LITTER CAKE RECIPE

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"
1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan.
Prepare pudding and chill.
Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor.
Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs.
Mix with a fork or shake in a jar.
Set aside.
When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl.
Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable.
Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points.
Repeat with three more rolls.
Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture.
Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted.
Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box.
Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box.
Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper.
Enjoy!

Another photo of the beautiful cake.

Click here to find some things that other people did at your age.

Here's mine - At age 35:

Based on a nightmarish dream, Robert Louis Stevenson wrote The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Russian ambassador Aleksandr Borosovich Kurakin introduced the practice of serving meals in courses.

Frederic William Herschel, an English astronomer, invented the contact lens.

American sprinter Evelyn Ashford won her final Olympic gold medal at age 35, old for a sprinter.

Amedeo Avogadro developed Avogadro's hypothesis.

Law School professor Anita Hill charged that Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas made indecent remarks to her.

Margie Profet proposed a new theory of menstruation which claims that menstruation protects against infection and won a MacArthur Foundation "genius" grant.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin achieved his life's ambition at age 35 and wondered, what do you do after that?

Mozart stopped composing and started, well, you know.

Not written by me. Found while surfing.

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog assholes -- I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man -- come to kill us all --
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot --
Sniff this and weep

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I HATE my choke chain --
Look, world, they strangle me!
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot -- no greater bliss -- well,
Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad -- she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence -- why?
Because it's there. Because it's
There. Because it's there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more -- I call
Them a vocation

My owners' mood is
Romantic -- I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

One must remain cool even in death. I know that when you're dead you're cool, but I mean Fonzie cool.

In keeping with the God theme from yesterday check out Bob Saget is God - Bask in his holiness!

If Bob Saget were God he would still be hosting America's Fnniest Home Videos and Full House would still be shooting. I'm not too sure that the author of this site is altogether sane.

Godchecker - Your Guide To The Gods. Mythology with a twist!

When I was a kid I had dreams about Anubis, the Egyptian God of the Dead. I was terrified (and fascinated) by mummies and the like. I still find all things ancient Egypt interesting. Carol and I plan to travel to Egypt one day, but it's a little too expensive for us right now.

CBC.ca - Athens 2004 - CBC Sports: Shewfelt captures gold in floor
Another medal for Canada! A gold this time. But here again, we have one of those sports that isn't exactly cool. This one is Tumbling a.k.a. Artistic Gymnastics. The guy did an amazing job flying around the floor like Peter Pan (not that there's anything wrong with that). I have trouble doing a somersault.

All kidding aside, not only did Kyle Shewfelt win the first gold medal of these Olympic game but also the first medal ever for a Canadian tumbler the event. Congrats Kyle.

Come on! Why can't we win in soccer or basketball? I guess we could win at basketball. All we have to do is play the "dream team". LOL!

Remember this article? They posted my photo. LOL!

You's gotta see this from Bad Gas

CBC.ca - Athens 2004 - CBC Sports: Canada's Cockburn takes silver in trampoline
Wow! You know your national Olympic program sucks huge eggs when you have to get excited about an athlete taking a silver on a trampoline. I'm not saying that being good at trampoline isn't an acrobatic feat to be admired. It's just kind of lame that we can't be good at the cool sports too. My trampolining experiences always involve falling off or getting my legs caught in the holes between the weird springy things on the edges.

and re-enatced by bunnies.

What day would be complete without a picture of midgets pulling and airplane?

CBC News: Bon-vivant bear evicted after beer binge
Yo Mr Bear. It appears that you may have a drinking problem. Normal bears do not have 36 beers in one sitting. Not to mention the fact that they were stolen. The fact that the bear cops had to get involved and lure you with more beer and donuts is a definite red flag.

Perhaps you should seek some help. Look up Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book, call and go to a meeting. Admitting that you have a problem at all is a big step, but it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

Thanks to Gracie for the link.

Check out Official Website of the Olympig Movement. Make sure the kiddies are around (or anyone of good taste) before you watch the trailer.

CBC News: Manitoba killer admits to more crimes
Geez. Tell me that guy's not scary lookin'. As Carol always notes, the whole monobrow thing has been believed to be 'a sign of lunacy' by some cultures.

UPDATE: If a monobrow means lunacy what about this guy? [thanks Jackson]

Halloween is coming. What's more inappropriately funny than Child Pimp & Ho Costumes? Classic!

Jackson must be drinking at his desk. He didn't smell funny this morning. Republicans are so odd sometimes.

Anyway, He sent me The Official George W Bush: REAL ULTIMATE POWER and as he put it "Speakers on". Whatever... Jackson then went on to say that the "hippes" in the desgn department may enjoy The Official Michael Moore Homepage: REAL ULTIMATE POWER a little more. Perhaps, but there's no catchy tunes. Looks like george Bush stole his page from Furbys though. Or maybe it was bacon. Who the hell knows? Who the hell cares? Thanks Jackson for all the links. You whacko.

There's a ton of the REAL ULTIMATE POWER pages

Wired News: It's Just the 'internet' Now ... internet ... net ... web ... little letters

Guardian Unlimited Books | Top 10s | Paul Murray: top 10 gothic novels
By the way... Bella Lugosi's dead.

look it's Tony Blair's Desktop. Click around on the icons and you'l find all kinds of interesting things.

The Big Shocker - The Original Foam Shocker Hand

Jackson wins today's make Mike laugh out loud award.

FYI - a shocker = this

Shamings | The Olympics of Drunken Embarrassment

I think that this one is particularly creative/cruel.

It;'s time for the summer Olympics ... snore! Oh well here's the website anyway: ATHENS 2004 Olympic Games

"Where's the beef? It's at a Pennsylvania pub that serves the world's biggest burger - weighing in at NINE lip-smacking pounds! That's no whopper - you can actually get this meat monster for $23.95, (about $40.00 Canadian, including taxes and a beverage) loaded with all the "fixins": Two whole tomatoes, a half-head of lettuce, 12 slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers, two entire onions, plus a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard. And Americans wonder why they are getting fat..."

I tought this was a photoshop job at first. It may be, but if not there are more photos: Here's one of these insanely large burgers on the grill beside a normal sized burger. Here's a jackass trying to fit his big yap around one of these monstrosities. Finally here's a photo of the same jackass with his group of like-minded morons. They obviously have money to burn and no concern for a exploded stomach and internal bleeding.

You all can thank Pauly, who cooks at "the home" (said in my best old lady voice), for this culinary nightmare. Ugh, my guts hurt.

Quantum Sleeper ... in a word "creepy". That said, I want one. But where does Moosh go? Doesn't look like enough room for her. Do they make a doggy version too?

The skin around my nose appears to be drying out. This started when we moved to our place three years ago and has steadily gotten worse since then. Maybe there's something weird with the water or my diet. It started before Atkins so I know it's not that. I'm not sure what's up but it's as irritating as all hell, let me tell you. I'm like some kind of old lady.Anyway, I've had to start using moisturizing lotion, cleaning solution and creams on my face. Frankly I'm kind of embarrased as I've never had problem skin before. Now when I'm going through my ritual every day in my head I hear Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs (one of my favourite films) saying:

"It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it's told." (wav 42.8 kb)

and when I resisit Bill says:

"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again." (wav 46.8 kb)

If I forget to put my stuff away I hear:

"Put the fucking lotion in the basket! arf!" (wav 37.3 kb)

I'm not sure why but I now have this weird urge to put on make up, jam my ding dong between my legs and dance around in front of a mirror listening to "this song" (mp3 2.51 mb).

Call the guys with the butterfly net and agent Clarice Starling. Mike is out of his mind.

As a gamer I am not proud that I relate to this: pwned.nl
Not for kids... mucho cussing

Thanks to Treacherous for this one.

You Have Bad Taste in Music an Eman Laerton Production.

I love it. This guy picks on all the bands I love to hate. Talk about crap.

Check out artcoup.com to see some interesting and sometimes very disturbing photos.

Check out iPod vs. The Cassette. I'm not sure of the science behind this but you may just be surprised by who wins...

Yahoo! News - Cemetery Fight Haunts Some U.S. Soldiers
This story could make for some interesting movie ideas...

Here's a hypothesis on creating a real lightsaber from Tommy Boy by way of Darth Hamster

I don't speak the language but there are some awesome photos on this site.

Think Doom 3 is too dark? Then you should try Duct Tape a flash light mod for the game. I've been playing Doom 3 since Friday and I absolutely love it. I have scared the hell out of myself many times already. There's plenty of zombies and otehr monstors to kill. The graphics rock. I'm just glad I have enough computer to handle it.

being next door to the U.S. and having been brought up on US TV we Canadians don't have trouble understanding Americans and their funny language. For those who do there's always The English-to-American Dictionary

We're hiring here at work, so we've looked at a ton of resumes. Most of the resumes we've seen show people who are either overqualified or, conversely, underexperienced. Thankfully we haven't seen on like The Most Mentally Ill Job Resume. Yikes.

And asks for a dentist... Smart ape.

You know you're living in 2004 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Thanks to Big Al Mac for this one.

Not everyone feels the way about Sandals & Socks that my wife does. I'm not allowed to wear htem at all. Nor am I allowed to wear overalls.

Now this is a smart ad. You can thank Jackson for this one.

I'm halfway to 70 today. Yes, the big 35. *sigh* Happy birthday to me. I share a birthday with Neil Armstrong, astronaut, Loni Anderson, actress, Patrick Ewing, basketball player and strangely enough (and not at all surpising in the slightest for some odd reason) I share my day with The Elephant Man, Joseph Merrick.

A lot of things have happened on August 5th throughout the years.

For example:

In 1914 in Cleveland, Ohio, the first electric traffic light is installed. In 1962 Marilyn Monroe, actress was found dead.

Check out the caption underneath this Yahoo! Sports Photos. In case they repair their little error you can look at a screenshot that I took of the photo I like to call:
the game winning shit!

Cat in the Kettle flash movie... I've seen it before but it's still funny.

Which famous folks are going to croak in the next year? Check out ROTTEN DEAD POOL for some predictions. Also, in keeping with this theme here is a list of drug related celebrity deaths.

MeccaDonald's Happy Meal! Proof that McDonald's is evil. Thanks to Carol for sending this one.

Ridge defends higher terror alert as 'essential' even though some of their information pre-dates September 11, 2001. This smacks of politics all around. Why a terror alert now with this old info? Well, the Democrats had their convention last week and Kerry has gained some ground on Bush in the polls as a result. How better to distract the public than with a big bad terror warning. Anyone willing to take odds on what's going to happen? My bets are on absolutely nothing and then Bush's spin-meisters saying, "Look. We prevented an attack. Vote for Bush." This government has cried wolf so many times it's become ridiculous.

This is one case where I really hope I'm right. If I'm wrong and something really does happen I'll be surprised. But honestly I don't believe anything is going to happen. I'd rather not spend my life in fear of what may happen. Taht way the terrorists win. It is what they want.

A related site is October Surprise! What will happen before the election?

Since I've been eating lower carb foods I really miss my Special K. Well no longer. Now I can get cookies, waffles and low carb Special K right from Kellog's on the grocery store shelves. It should be at least another 75 years before it shows up here in Canada, but at least there's hope.

Check out Bill O'Reilly Vs Michael Moore. An unedited 'interview' of Moore by the oh-so unbiased (not) Fox News in two downloadable parts. I love watching grown ups argue like little kids in the backseat of a car.

"Don't make me pull over!"

Check out these tips from gapingvoid: how to be creative