Looking for a number or two? You can find all you need right here: 0x800ccc0d

Sometimes I do... anyway thanks to Carol and Ada for the list:

1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."

2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"

4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public."

5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way."

6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."

8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying."

10. "Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."

11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."

12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."

13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."

14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."

15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."

16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."

18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."

19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"

20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."

22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."

23. "And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"

24. "Do I look like a people person?"

25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."

26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."

27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."

28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."

31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."

33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"

34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."

35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"

36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."

37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"

38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."

39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

40. "Oh I get it... like humour... but different!"

KIROTV.com - News - 'Volcano Advisory' Issued for Mount Saint Helens
Thanks to Jackson aka Dr Doom

Frank Sinatra Parody: You Are Either With Frank Or You Are With The Terrorists!

This is so not politically correct. Much like Frank himself. I guess that's why it's so funny. Taken in the context of the racist attitudes prevalent in the Rat Pack's era it's actually a fairly amusing commentary on a variety of levels.

Slashdot | Canon's new 16.7MP Digital SLR, with WiFi Boing! Now that's a camera.

Now that's a camera. It dwarfs my pathetic little 5 megapixel jobby and the wireless capabilities are freakin cool. A 16.7 MP wireless webcam. Holy moly!

Thanks to Chuff for the link.

Here's a huge ass quicktime movie of how real life differs from life on the Internet. Caution all you people on dial up, this is a 21+ megabyte file and will take you until next Valentine's Day to download. You're out of luck unless you can sneak over to a friend's house who happens to have a high speed connection. Sorry. Thanks again to Matt F.

From the Craig Kilborn Late Late Show we have bear vs trampoline:
trampoline-bear.wmv (1.85 mb)

Kilborn says the bear's okay and considering the way he was limp when he fell he/she was probably fine. I remember when I was a kid dad (again, he was a veterinarian) had to give wildlife officers in NS the tranquilizer for their darts when a bear wandered into downtown Bridgewater and climbed a tree. He told them shoot the bear once and let the tranquilizer work for a few minutes before attempting to approach. I guess they were in a hurry because the idiots, seeing their first shot didn't immediately bring the bear down, shot him three times. This overdose ended up killing him. Apparently he was stuck on a branch in the tree and was asleep after the first shot. Stupid.

Anyway, as Carol and I have had a running gag about bears jumping on trampolines. Boing! Boing! Thanks to Matt F for the timely video.

But I have to get The Lord of the Rings DVD Special Extended Version. The collection is only 2/3 complete. It's likecereal without milk for God's sake.

grandmaster bush gets down with his ultra bad self.

Check out Kids for Free! It appears they may be quite useful.

Angel sent me a link to this article called Nap time returns, for a price. A company in NY is offering sleep pods at $14 US per nap like those seen in Japanese capsule hotels. Interesting and a good idea at first glance. However, napping at your desk is much easier (I've seen it done) and cheaper. Also, I'm not too sure how well ventilated these pods are. What happens if the napper right before you was garlic afficianado, or much worse, suffering from uncontrollable, vile smelling flatulence? What could be worse than being dutch ovened by a stranger's hideous farts? Not much... Shades of an empty elevator with a surprise odour. UGH! I have a big desk so I can crawl underneath it to catch some Z's if I really want to. It's the fact that my desk is in a high traffic area that might be a problem.

My friends Ken and Theresa Richardson in NS had to put their dog Kato to sleep. His kidneys were failing and he had cancer. Although a big scary Rottweiler he was really just a pussy cat. He even peed on Carol's foot when we were there once. Condolences to the Richardsons. It's never an easy decision to make. I watched my dad, as a vet, struggle with euthanasia a number of times. I feel sad. Bye Kato.

But funny anyway. Here's Santa's eleves farting The 12 Days of Christmas ...yay Treacherous!

KTB: Union Sq. APB - Missing Sock Found!

Thanks to Jackson for the link.

A little news item you may not be aware of...
The European Commission just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have less letters.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
Ve haf also decided zat driving vil be changed to ze oposit sid of ze road. Ze first year ve vil change over ze truks and buses

Thanks to Bonkura for this giggle.

These guys are dorks but it sure looks like a fun thing to do to someone you don't like so much: Video of the test.

OMG! This whacko built an 8500 calorie manwich! It makes my chest tighten just thinking about it.

Standups of Star Trek, Pamela Anderson, WWF, Pokemon, Elvis Presley, Scooby Doo, Marilyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Xena, Bruce Lee, Cartoons, Austin Powers, custom, Elvis Presley & many more characters.

Look Carol. Now we can be like Steve Martin in The Lonely Guy and have a big party with all of our cardboard cut out pals. For sure we need to invite Fabio, Santa and Kiss. Maybe Marilyn and Xena should come too.

Thanks to Monkeeboy Ross for the link.

By way of hurricane.

Carol and I are going to a night of ComedyFest Vancouver this year. The night we're going is hosted by none other than the Trailer Park Boys! I can't wait to go. It's going to be a gas! Julian, Ricky and Bubbles live!

Don't forget about that cool Bubbles Soundboard...

Winners of Oprah car give-away must pay up to $7,000 tax - Sep. 22, 2004
Surprise! It's a rip off!

In Da Cab by MC Yuri! "It's my green card!"

"Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart apologized Wednesday for saying in a televised worship service that he would kill any gay man who looked at him romantically."
Full article here: News from The Associated Press

I love it. Backpedalling is great, especially long after the fact. Someone probably actually had to point the faux pas out to Mr Swaggart. I can hear it now:

Publicist: "Jimmy, the gay thing... Not good. You should probably apologize."

Jimmy: "You queer or something?"

Hmmmm... Aren't we all God's kids? I guess not according to Jimmy.

"Your Pimp Name is: Big Playah M. Quick"

Get your Pimp Name! How to be a true PIMP!

Thanks to Brendon a.k.a. Bull for the link. Hello San Diego!

George Lucas and Lucasfilm have finally released the first three episodes of Star Wars (you know the ones that didn't suck) on DVD today. I (of course) pre-ordered them and they shipped from Amazon on Monday. I should have them this week some time. I can't wait to watch these films over and over like I did when I was a kid. I've seen all three multiple times especially A New Hope and the Empire Strikes Back.

"OMG!" you're thinking, "Mike is a massive nerd!" You would be right in this regard. We did drive to LA for the premiere of Episode II. That was cool, especially for such a big fan as myself.

Valve vs. Vivendi Universal dogfight heats up in US District Court - PC News at GameSpot
Thanks to Matt S for the link.

That will be all. Carry on...

Maybe Carol needs new perfume. I don't think I'll buy her this one though:

And now for the weather at YVR brought to you by the WeatherPixie.com.


How fruity is that? You can get one for your site too.

To quote the goalie from Slapshot: "Make me sick, my h'allergies..." (60kb mp3 file)

That figures ... I smell like feet.

Carol is:


Again... not a surprise. Although she says, "Hey! I'm not a square! I'm not simple!" der...

What the RAND corporation thought in 1954 about how a home computer would look in 2004. I guess they didn't consider the fact that things would shrink somewhat.

Is that a microchip in my meat?

Pork pulled off shelves to check for metal devices

And you all thought I was crazy...

Don't forget ... It's Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19

Now I really want to see Ramones: End of the Century

Who was it that said child stars end up troubled adults? Whoever it was was pretty right on. At least in ths case. That's what you get for leaving a kid home alone 3 times.

I'm not sure if I ate something bad or caught some weird virus, but I am really sick. I'm at home with a headache, nausea and feeling generally disgusting. Whatever this is it woke me up at 4 something a.m. this morning just so I didn't miss a few hours of feeling really crappy. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I'd boil some water for tea or something like that but the stove is fubar'd. We have to buy a new one. Ugh! So how am I feeling really? Like the smaller guy in this photo...


Apparently the little guy won the fight but it was an uphill battle.

I've been happily using this browser for quite some time now and have even left Internet Explorer alone to sit unused in it's insecure rotteness. Firefox is marching toward 1 million downloads in 10 days. They're at 300,000+ already and it's only been a day since the official release of the latest version. More secure than IE with a hell of a lot more built in search options, tabbed browsing and no pop ups plus many more features make it really attractive. Try it out. It's only a 4 and half mb download. I don't care about the Microsoft monopoly thing, I just like this browser.

CBC News: Businesses to take hit from NHL lockout
We suffer more than just losing a season of hockey. No games = nothing to bet on.

Time for another look at Engrish.com!

CBC Sports: NHL locks out players
It's official, there won't be any NHL games played any time soon. Gary Bettman and the NHL board of governors have decided to lock out the cry baby players until they can all come to some type of agreement (which favours the owners of course). No doubt this is going to be a protracted battle in which the fans suffer the most. Rememeber what happened to baseball after that strike? Well hockey was already in trouble. This is nothing but bad. I rea;;y don't want to go and watch those sissies aka the Vancouver Giants slap at each other, but as a hockey fan in Vancouver that seems our only option right now.

At least we got to see Canada win the World Cup before this.

CBC News: Martha Stewart wants to enter prison early
Poor Martha. To hell with the appeal, she just wants to put the "nightmare" behind her and do her time. Doesn't sound very innocent to me. A 7 foot tall lesbian with a mustache named Sheila is excited waiting for Martha in her cell. She'll even let Martha have the top bunk.

I just met Joe Montana. He was here leaning on my desk taking a tour of our operation. More to come on this later maybe.

Life Magazine has published some of the most recognized photos ever to be seen. Here's a few of the most memorable.

How true it is. If you have yet to see gapingvoid and the business card cartoons there now is the time. This guy is brilliant.

Thanks to iJuan v2.0 for the link.

Okay. All weirdness aside. This is some funny shit. Something tells me this would never happen in a million years. It's very well done though...

Outhouse Charlie makes kits for do-it-yourself coffins
Why should your death or planning for it be such a dreary event? It could be fun...

Navistar starts marketing cement mixer-based truck that dwarfs the Hummer and the F-350.

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - For the driver looking for more in a pickup -- one that dwarfs the Hummer and the Ford F-350 -- Navistar has just the ride for you.

Thanks to Jim L for the link to this bad ass ride. It dwarfs our puny little Elantra.

UPDATE: here's the site for the truck.

CTV.ca | 'Batman' protester scales Buckingham Palace
Looks more like Fatman rather than Batman. Old Bruce Wayne has let himself go a bit methinks.

A big thank you to Richard over at Urban Vancouver for giving me the push (and a few hints) necessary to fix the long broken RSS feed on this site. You rock (and sometimes even roll)!

For all you RSS feed monkeys out there you can get my crap syndicated by clicking the orange XML graphic in the left menu or by looking here. Yes, to the unwashed it's just code, to me it's a proud accomplishement and to the feed readers it's another way to read my boring crap.

Blatantly stolen from here.

Who said George Bush was a bad President? He's allowed the ban on assault weapons to lapse so now folks can go to their favourite gun broker in the US and get tham important hunting weapons like Tec-9s (like the Columbine killers used), UZIs and AK-47s. Great for bunnies. Also fantastic for target shooting. I hear an UZI on full auto is very accurate.

Yahoo! News - Blast, Mushroom Cloud Reported in N. Korea
Kablooey! I wonder... Has another country joined the notorious nuke club? In a word - Yikes.

UPDATE: May be just a forest fire. Come out of the bunker.

An Archive
Another Archive
A Third Archive
The Comission and the Report
WTC Site Memorial
CNN Memorial
CBC Memorial
Ground Zero Cams

Buy me a Submarine! Dammit!

The Da Kine Café had been openly selling pot on Commercial Drive in Vancouver for 4 months. Cops did nothing until yesterday after the press and BC's Solicitor General
made lots of noise. Vancouver's mayor said he didn't care about the shop selling weed and didn't feel anything needed to be done. I guess that changed. Conveniently just in time for the 6pm news the VPD moved in and busted the big bad potheads.

Big deal. They're back at it today...

Two articles of interest:

Vancouver pot shop busy again

Pot cafe a high-volume dealer, say police

Sadly, Kurt is still dead. No Mr Mojo Risin'... However, just in time for Christmas and when Courtney Love needs a cash (among other things) infusion a Nirvana box set has been announced.

The particulars:

NIRVANA BOX SET - 3 CD & 1 DVD

Street Date: Nov. 23, 2004

Features the hits, live performances, previouslyunreleased rarities and b-sides

Over 50 unreleased recordings including Kurt Cobain's demos

Hours of unheard music and unseen footage

Features a 60 page booklet. DVD with first edition only

3-panel digipack, front cover is a metal plate

Closed size is 26cm x 14.5cm x 2.5cm. Open size is 81cm x 14.5cm

A springer with a love for frisbees. Check out: Flying Frisbee Puppy Photo Gallery by jctangney at pbase.com

Moosh cannot do this. She's too much of an old lady.

The World's Shortest Blog asks one simple question.

Trump Fires Bush on the Apprentice: See Donald Trump fire George Bush.
Thanks to Bubba in Dallas for the link.

Thanks to Gracie, the animal lover, for sending me this link to Potter film hope for disabled dog.
A two-legged dog that has learned to walk like a human could be considered for a role in the next Harry Potter film, according to reports.
She's cute but really makes me feel weird at the same time. I think I need to lie down. Ugh. I feel woozy.

Moselle sent me this article about a subterreanean movie theatre in Paris. Creepy cool.

Paris is a great city. Even though I've been known to take jabs at the French, I loved it there. So much history and art there. I'd love to return one day. I was there when I was 16 on a class trip; ten days in Paris in April. Awesome! Although I climbed the Eiffel Tower, saw the Louvre and many of it's treasures and even traveled to the Chateau de Versailles I still don't think I've seen as much as there is to see there. One day...

As sung by, George W Bush. No shit. I'm not kidding download the 2.88 mb mp3 file right here.

Turn up your sound to hear what this oddball has to say: }-{ello my future girlfriend

I foresee a clock tower and a newspaper article ending with 'and then he turned the gun on himself' in this guy's future.

Project Censored 2005 - Top 25 Censored Stories
Some fascinating little tidbits there I must say. Especially the story about the US government paying for the development of deadly pox viruses. Why on Earth would they need something like that? If a nondescript guy in dark sunglasses with a distinctly American accent is distributing 'free' blankets from the back of his nondescript sedan perhaps you'd do well to say, 'no thanks'.

CNN.com - Man accused of stalking with GPS - Sep 4, 2004
GLENDALE, California (AP) -- Police arrested a man they said tracked his ex-girlfriend's whereabouts by attaching a global positioning system to her car.

What a resourceful psycho. Next thing to be invented? A GPS scrambling device for stalkees.

First look at: Return of the Living Dead 4 & 5. Hell yeah!

Space signal studied for alien contact
LONDON, England (Reuters) -- An unexplained radio signal from deep space could -- just might be -- contact from an alien civilization, New Scientist magazine reported on Thursday.

More on this in this article from New Scientist.

Just so people don't see this as rascist I believe I saw Eminem using this this as well. Thanks you for you attention. Carry on.

Good feng shui or not? You be the judge lookie here: BLT Scented Candles

MSNBC - Report: Jackson paid $2M to another accuser
And we're not talking about the Jackson I work with...

CBS 4 Denver: Clinton To Undergo Emergency Heart Surgery
He looked so healthy on the Daily Show a while ago. I guess he's still eating McDonald's food like Phil Hartman playing him in that old SNL skit.

We bought an ebony black 2004 Hyundai Elantra GT! That's right a brand spankin' new car. It only has 150 kms on it. Not bad at all. Why do we need a new car? The truck, our 1995 Ford Ranger, went into the shop for a tune up over the weekend and came out yesterday with a new clutch, front brakes and new battery. All this for the low low price of... $2000. Yikes!

Jeebus Christmas! Enough is enough. We've been paying through the nose for the West Coast Express for three years, spending way too much on gas to keep the truck tanked up, not to mention the pick up has been too small for Carol, Moosh and I to ride comfortably in for the entire 9 years we've had it. It's time for a change. We need more room, a car that's easy on gas and somewhat sporty. Well we got that in spades with the Elantra GT and for the right price.

We were considering Kias. I'm taking a few days off so it was my job to be the test driver. After driving a Kia Rio RXV (a gutless clinker and tin can on wheels) and a Kia Spectra (a little better, but still having that 'old man' feel to it) from Bay City Kia in Port Coquitlam we decided to look a little more. The cars there just didn't do it for us, nor did the salesman for that matter. He went into a sales meeting while I was out on the test drive expecting me just to hang out and wait for him when I got back. Right. I'm going to wait around to spend money with someone who's not there? I don't think so.

I picked Carol up from work and after a quick trip to the bank to finalize our loan (Yay Sylvia!) we hit another Kia dealer. We were disappointed there too, so we thought Mazdas, Hyundai (which I really wanted at first anyway), Toyota and Nissan. Note that Honda isn't on our list. We rented a new Honda Civic last year and what a piece of junk. I felt like my face was pushed up against the windshield the whole time. Anyway, we went to dinner, got filled up on beef and went forth to the brand new Jim Pattison Hyundai in Port Coquitlam where we met Brian Dodd (no s) who's eyes lit up like Colin Farrell in a liquor store when I mentioned my interest in the Elantra GT.

Carol and I took the car for a drive and both loved it. We wheeled, dealed and traded the truck for a steal. We take delivery tonight. Looks like we're going driving! Woohoo. I love the new car smell. Thanks to Brian our salesman and RJ the sales manager at the dealership. You guys rock!

I've never bought a new car before (I was too drunk and irresponsible before) and haven't personally owned a car in around 15 years. The truck was a gift to Carol from her parents when they moved back from Saudi Arabia. I'm so grateful that we were in the position to do this now. I guess it really does pay to be responsible with your finances. I keep track of every penny we spend (for better or worse). Just knowing what we spend our cash on has helped to put us here. Nice!

Here's a bigger picture of the car, just in case you couldn't see it well enough in the smaller version above. :)

Channel 101 : Kicked in the Nuts!
Smile! You've been kicked in the nuts!

Case Closed... The victim can't continue with criminal proceedings but has yet to drop the civil suit. This whole thing has been just sad from beginning to end. I guess they'll both have their day in court with the civil case, but something tells me that wil go away too. Maybe settled or dropped as well. Who knows? I guess we'll never learn what really happened.

CBC News: 3 killed in shopping stampede at Saudi Ikea
Who knew people in the Arab world really wanted this crappily thrown togther and cheaply made furniture. Everyone else has it (including myself). Why shouldn't they?