mike browne's old blog

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~ Buddha

All-Ages Kirk/Spock Archive

Nov 30, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
All-Ages Kirk/Spock Archive: Star Trek gay romantic art

WTF?

Pierre Berton dies at 84

Nov 30, 2004 by Mike Browne in Downers | 1 Comment
Pierre Berton dies at 84 ... Sad. There's a great Canadian I already knew about.

iRobot

Nov 30, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
iRobot - Robots for the Real World

Look Carol, it's a Roomba!

modern pooch

Nov 30, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
modern pooch : your daily doggy fix

Yep! It's a doggy bloggy. I love dogs. If Moosh could read and had thumbs and the smarts to work a mouse, she would like this site.

The greatest Canadian is...

Nov 30, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 8 Comments

Tommy Douglas (according to the boring people who actually voted in the poll and bother to watch CBC). If you're wondering who in God's name Tommy Douglas is prior to clicking the above link you're not alone. Call me ignorant (and many of you have) but not a clue had I. Especially embarassing to me is not realizing he is the one who made the contributions he did that just so happen to directly affect the quality of my life. Whoops. Talk about taking stuff for granted. Sheesh. Had you asked me two weeks ago I'd have said, "A boxer's brother?" Nope. He's who we have to thank (or blame) for our socialist medical system. Healthcare for all Canadians is what Douglas wished and worked for and it's what he got. Nicely done Mr D.

I wonder if he'd be happy with the way things have turned out? Line ups, tainted blood and healthcare strikes... oh my.

Anyway, I feel slightly more culturally educated than I was yesterday so I guess the CBC has done it's job.

I still think Mr Dressup, Casey and Finnigan should have gotten at least an honourable mention as the sort-of Greatest Canadians but who the hell am I?

New Mustang

Nov 29, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
Here's the commercial. Hey Ford, STeve MCQueen, although quite cool, is dead and Field of Dreams is kind of a tired reference. Fun car though, but I'd like this Audi. Thanks to Jacksonian and "The Bosnian" for the links.

Virtual Museum Canada

Nov 26, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Too lazy to actually go out? There's always Virtual Museum Canada

Thanksgiving antics

Nov 26, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
CNN.com - Man accused of stabbing relatives over holiday table manners - Nov 26, 2004

Oh the joys of those family holidays. I just ate turkey yesterday. We had a few laughs and then got sleepy. This, however, is ridiculous.

Thanks to monkeeboy for the link.

Buy Nothing Day

Nov 26, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 6 Comments

Buy Nothing Day - Adbusters Culturejammers

I don't think I'll buy anything today at all, except lunch. I'm hungry. Is it okay to eat? What about renting? Like a DVD or something? Leasing? A new car. I don't understand. What are there rules?

The 20 Best Neighborhoods

Nov 26, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Project for Public Spaces (PPS) - Placemaking for Communities - The 20 Best Neighborhoods in North America. I'll cut to the chase. What's number one? Well Granville Island in Vancouver of course. It's a cool place.

Round and Round

Nov 26, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Pauly sent me this video: roundnroundwego.wmv (2mb wmv)

This must be LA. Stunt driver gone bad.

GIFTMIXER 3000

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Stuck for what to buy that special someone for Xmas this year? Try the GIFTMIXER 3000.

XmasBash

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
XmasBash ... Seasons Beatings!

madeyouthink

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
madeyouthink - looks like we're in for 4 more years of this shit.

THE SALINE PROJECT

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Filmmaking | Add comment
THE SALINE PROJECT ... very cool video and animation. Thanks Graham.

How to Kill a Mockingbird

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
How to Kill a Mockingbird - Created by Anthony Scodary and Nico Benitez

Not all book reports suck...

Happy Turkey Day

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Even though I'm Canadian I get to celebrate Turkey Day today too. Our Thanksgiving wasa few weeks ago and we had a feast then. But our buddy Bennett, and American living in Canada, has invited Carol and I to have a turkey dinner with he and his family tonight. Nice. I'm looking forward to it. Too bad we're not having a turducken.

M Manson teaches class at Temple U

Nov 25, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments

Shock (he wishes) rocker, Marilyn Manson was the suprise guest lecturer for a Philosophy class at Temple University. MTV's college network MTVu videotaped the whole thing. He took questions and spoke for an hour about his views on a variet of subjects which of course included art and religion. I wonder what the questions were:

"Mr Manson, why is it that a geek from Florida like yourself doesn't have a tan?"

"Did you cut your own hair while drunk and blindfolded?"

"Huh?"

My questions would be:

"What the hell were you thinking when you took your music away from the Antichrist Superstar" sound that your fans actually liked?"

"Are we really stars 'in the dope show'?"

I guess all I had to do was pay $100K to go to Temple University to see and hear Marilyn Manson for an hour. I was forethinking enough to pay $40 per ticket to see him four times in two hour shows. Geeze I must really be edu-ma-cated. I think I must have me one o' those PHD thingamabobs.

RoboDump 1.0

Nov 24, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Need to hide during particularly spiritually and emotionally taxing staff meetings... Ahem... check out RoboDump 1.0

Extreme Kidnapping

Nov 24, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Extreme Kidnapping... Not A Christmas gift I would like to recieve. Feel free to get me this if you want the underwear I crap when some whackos drive up in a van, club me, tape me up and drive away with me. I'd probably have a heart attack.

Coloured blocks and midi

Nov 24, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Right here is a video based on 80's console video games like Atari 2600 and Intellivison. I miss Keystone Capers, Frogger and Pitfall.

Thanks to Steve X for the link.

Newsflash: Canada is twice as baked

Nov 24, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
CBC News: Marijuana use doubled over past decade: study
No wonder so many Girl Guide cookies get sold every year. Those pot smokers are often quite peckish after a toke or two. Not that I would know. Okay. Yeah... I was 18 to 24 once...

Hamster pr0n

Nov 23, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 5 Comments
ag0ny's homepage: Hamster porn! ... I don't know why I find this funny. I'm sure the men in the white caots with butterfly nets are on the way.

USB mince pies

Nov 23, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Just in time for the holidays you can snag a USB mince pie. It's Christmas holiday pie technological fun. You can store tons of documents, mp3z and other geeky treasures on your USB mince pie and still be festive!

The Ass Copier

Nov 22, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Business Solutions: The Ass Copier ... nuff said. Great idea. Cuts down on the need of a stool to climb atop the ol' Xerox for gluteal scanning.

Best Canadian Blog

Nov 22, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
2004 Weblog Awards: Nominations - Best Canadian Blog

Well it's certainly not me. I'm GD lazy to nominate myself or come up with anything truly original to say so why bother? There is a myriad (I've been waiting to use that word) of fantastically designed and more interesting blogs than this one out there. I'm constantly blown away by the commitment of people to their blogs. I may update mine a lot, but frankly, I know it's not the best nor worthy of any award except by some mental health organization as 'a good example of a bad example'. Anyway, carry on surfing and reading my balogna. I love that anyone at all stops by. Send me cool link, media and stories and I will continue to post them. I think I'll go eat mouse poop in the shed.

Thank God for the small mercies...

Nov 22, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 5 Comments
No picture available Anal Massage, but hey you can get free shipping. Blatantly stolen from everlasting blort.

Turkey Dinner George Bush doll

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
Turkey Dinner George Bush doll (Talking Presidents) - DollTV.com Thanksgiving is coming. Get you GW doll to kick and flush down the shitter. You can hate too him like 70% of the world does. *sigh* Love him or hate him a talking GW doll is just silly.

Vanilla Ice wants his wallaroo back

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Animal escaped from the former rap star’s backyard.

No one deserves being hung by his heels out of a window more than this bowl-cutted hasbeen. Thanks Gracie! And thanks to Suge Knight for beating him up and making him pee his pants.

H A L F - L I F E 2

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment

H A L F - L I F E 2 is here!
I got it yesterday from Amazon.ca at 4:30pm. After a quick install from the DVD I tried to start the game. I got a message from Steam during registration saying I had an 'invalid cd-key'. Impossible. I just unwrapped the GD game. It was an official release. I spent another hour reading FAQ's and trying to find an answer to my dilemma. Nothing. Steampowered.com doesn't seem to have a place to send an email. Bastids.

Time to think creatively. Let's retype the cd-key in without using shift to capitalize the letters as they were printed on the box. 'Wait! They're being capitalized as I type.' Surprise. It works. Stupid soft-dev a-holes. You're fired for being morons to stupid to add a note about the typing in the cd-key. The standard is - if a password is shown with capital letters you must type with caps. That the software does it for you is just plain dumb. Then show it in lower case for Christ's sake.

Anyway, I start it up and became quite immersed in the HL2 world for the next few hours. Although the game doesn't come close to the hype I'm happy I bought it. The physics are great and the game is pretty fun. The AI (artificial intelligence) is very smart and being able to pick things up and throw them is cool. Hours of entertainment. I can't wait until they release the deathmatch portion of the game.

Come on OZ Deathmatch.

There's a movie here...

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Downers | Add comment
On deathbed, woman admits killing husband
Body discovered inside a freezer at storage facility

How creepy is that? Okay, so you bump off a loved one and, rather than 'disposing' of the body, you tape it up in a freezer and ship it around the country with you as you move about.

Yikes! A little less Hitchcock for the crazy (now dead) lady.

Where's your murderer's decorum? Haven't you ever heard of a woodchipper or a shallow grave?

'The Evil Dead' to be remade

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Movies and TV | 4 Comments
CBC News: 'The Evil Dead' to be remade
Sam Raimi is producing. Awesome! It'll be cool to see what gets done with his movie now that there's a budget. I can't wait!

He was winning until...

Nov 19, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
They started chanting his name...


Thanks to Pauly (of course) for this one.

Once a rock star...

Nov 18, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
David Lee Roth training to become EMT. I'm not sure I'd want Diamond Dave hovering over me with defibrilator panels. Yikes! What does he say to a sucide case standing on a building? "Might as well jump." Hahahahahaha! I kill me. I guess once you music career is over you need to do soemthing.
For example, I know my boss, Rick, used to play bass for Highway Freak Ticket. Nickleback opened for them... And the guy who waters the plants in our office played for the Powder Blues Band ... No more Thirsty Ears just thirsty plants.

A weird little animation

Nov 18, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Check Feuer Frei ... I love Rammstein and this is a rather amusing little take on their song.
What can I say. I'm at home hacking up green crap, I have a headache and I'm way dizzier than usual. I guess I find little things entertaining.

I just hope I don't come back to an office like these.

Call me Typhoid Mike. If I've made you sick too I'm truly sorry.

Twangers and Balls

Nov 17, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 4 Comments
Rainbow - Twangers Clip - TV Episode - innuendo Script with Zippy Bungle George Geoffrey

Yes. It was a real TV show and yes this episode actually aired. Thanks to Graham for this one.

"It's time for us all to go now, but don't forget to get your twangers out and play with your balls."

What world leader are you?

Nov 16, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 7 Comments
Apparently I am (and I'm sure this isn't far off all except the intern business):


Apparently I'm crazy too:

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||| 38%
Schizoid |||||||||| 38%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 70%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 66%
Borderline |||||||||| 38%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 54%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 58%
Avoidant |||||||||| 38%
Dependent |||||||||| 38%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 42%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

The Grey Video

Nov 16, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
The Grey Video ... Now there's a video to go along with DJ Dangermouse's remix of Jay Z's Black Album and The Beatles White Album. Everything old is new again.

CORPORATE FUN!

Nov 16, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Feeling cranky at work? Try some CORPORATE FUN! Print out a sign. Put it up in your cubicle. Get fired. Fun!!!

How It Works...

Nov 16, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
The Computer ... a manual. It somehow doesn't seem really up to date in a way. Thanks to iJuan v2.0 for this one.

Powell resigns

Nov 15, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
CBC News: Powell steps down
More people bailing out on Bush. Powell had said he may not stay on for a second term. I guess he's made up his mind. I wonder what's going on that all these folks are using the door? The second in command at the CIA resigned yesterday and John Ashcroft, the US AG, resigned last week. Perhaps they're not happy with the obvious direction toward more war.

u l t r a m i c r o s c o p i c

Nov 14, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Check out this wardrobe malfunction of a Halloween costume. Holy crap that's funny.

Ol' Dirty Bastard dies in New York

Nov 14, 2004 by Mike Browne in Downers | 1 Comment
Ol' Dirty Bastard dead at 35
I'm only 35. That's pretty young to die if you ask me. I know I'm not ready to go. Looks like Wu Tang is out a member. I wonder what happened. I'm sure it will all come out over the next few days.

Earth=Mostly Harmless

Nov 13, 2004 by Mike Browne in Movies and TV | Add comment
Goferboy: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy trailer released!!!
Of course I'm a fan. I love Zaphod Beeblebrox and Marvin the paranoid android. Thanks GoferBoy!

Not everyone is sorry...

Nov 12, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 3 Comments
There's a lot of people who aren't sorry about the outcome of the recent US election. Check out We're not Sorry.

Who will win 'The Apprentice'?

Nov 12, 2004 by Mike Browne in Movies and TV | 4 Comments
MSNBC - Who will win 'The Apprentice'?
I agree with the odds in this article. Kelly is the srongest player so far in this season of 'The Apprentice'.

I hate to admit it, but I really like this show. Yes, hell has frozen over. Mike Browne likes a reality TV show. I understand the editing sets up the losers to lose and Trump always chooses the project manager to be fired (except early on when dumbass Bradford put his own head on the chopping block). All that aside it's an intersting show. The numbers don't lie. Whichever team makes the most profit (in most challenges) wins. Integretity (both personally and in business), perserverance, creativity and leadership skills are at the top of Trump's list of attributes he wants his 'apprentice' to have. The backstabbers and troublemakers get ousted pretty quickly. I don't see anything wrong with a show that promotes what 'The Apprentice' does. Kudos to Trump and Mark Burnett for this one.

Remembrance Day

Nov 11, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
More on Remebrance Day here: CBC News Indepth: Remembrance Day
I'm thinking about it a lot today.

Remembrance Day

Nov 11, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
CBC News: Remembrance ceremonies honour those who served
To all the veterans of foreign wars. Thank you very much.

Up yer kilt!

Nov 10, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Picture here:

Story here:
Queen is exposed to Highland game. Not everyone has respect for Her Majesty...

Rock and Roll!!!!

Nov 10, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
The Dirty Punk F**kin' Anarchy Machine!!!
Making punk music with my keyboard is cool (but so not punk). Oi!

Hamsters in Hats

Nov 10, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 3 Comments
Hamsters in Hats? Why the hell not?

Virtual Bartender

Nov 10, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 10 Comments
Check out Virtual Bartender.

username: tammy
password: bartender

She'll do most everything you ask. Kind of like the subservient chicken. All the perverts just type the word kiss and get what you want. The nerds will appreciate what she does when you type the word fight.

I asked her to lean the toilet and she just shrugged. Very realistic.

sorryeverybody

Nov 09, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Now Americans are apologising via the sorryeverybody slideshow on Flickr. Thanks to Gracie for the link.

Arafat's vital organs functioning

Nov 09, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 10 Comments
CBC News: Arafat's vital organs functioning, foreign minister says
But what about his brain. Not meaning to be insensative, but couldn't he just be a potato? If you take someone off life support and they die isn't that because it's the natural time for them to pass away.

I'm not sure if any of this is the case or not with Mr Arafat, but this kind of thing always brings back that question of whether or not euthanasia for humans should be allowed. It's been a part of my consciousness for a long time as my dad, a veterinarian, had to put many animals down over the years. He was very strongly opinionated for euthanasia in humans as well as animals. Part of his arguement was that we will relieve an animal's suffering but not that of a human being's (even if they want it). Crusaders like Jack Kevorkian (who was convicted of assisting suicides) and members of the Hemlock Society are constantly running into trouble for doing what they believe gives the dying their dignity. I'm not sure I disagree with them at all.

I do, however, understand that Arafat is not just some old man that only his family will miss. He is leader of the Palestinian people and his death could throw the already unstable Middle East into complete chaos. This said, is keeping one man alive to avoid turmoil for others ethically appropriate even though that man is a figurehead such as Arafat is? Where is Mr Arafat's dignity? He can't answer for himself.

I wonder if he has a living will. Perhaps this is his will.

Interesting stuff to ponder.

Proverb Generator

Nov 08, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
Just so you know "A woman's place is in the bananas." That is according to the
Proverb Generator anyway.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 30 seconds

Nov 08, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
...re-enacted by bunnies of course.

Thanks to Carol for this one.

The Best DUI Arrest In History

Nov 06, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 3 Comments
The Best DUI Arrest In History
Thanks Big Al Mac! I guess this was to disract me from me disdain for the evil McDonalds. It was funny, but I'm still not eating that yucky food. :)

Canada 2.0

Nov 06, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
Not A Dollarshort: Canada 2.0 Is this less offensive?

Letter To America

Nov 05, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Thanks to iJaun 2.0 for this:

[This just in… The Brits want their colonies back…]

In the light of your failure to elect a human as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Donkey Piss", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Donkey Piss". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns or lawyers. The fact that you need so many lawyers shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation.

Pick off your office mates

Nov 05, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
With rubber bands in this game from Maxim Online and the newbie here at work, Graham.

No fat folks...

Nov 05, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 3 Comments

According to this article McDonald's wants to see only skinny folks in its advertising. Gee. I wonder why?

Thanks to Gracie for the link. McDonald's is evil ... just in case you didn't know.

Atta Girl!

Nov 04, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
Big Al Mac sent this nasty little ad: Atta Girl Knee Pads (884kb WMA file) ... not good for kiddies, but funny as hell.

MarryAnAmerican

Nov 04, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
MarryAnAmerican - No good American will be left behind! Canadians are here to help!

Psst over here...

Nov 03, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 8 Comments
If you don't want to hang with those jackasses you can always come and hang with us. We'll draw things up this way:


Thanks to Still Shady for the picture.

Enough with politics

Nov 03, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
The Ashlee Simpson Lip-Syncing Hoe-Down! ... as if we haven't heard enough about this idiot already. It is kind of funny though.

Election Results

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 1 Comment
Watch them here.

In other news...

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
According to a court in Nova Scotia 'Kemosabe', as used by Tonto in The Lone Ranger, is not a racist term. Whew! What a relief!

The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation
It's just what it says. Damned evil petting zoo goats!

MasaManiA

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment

MasaManiA - Japanese business people work hard (sometimes too hard). So hard they tend to fall asleep in odd places.

13th Street Games

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
Want to break up the monotony of election news coverage? Check out Five Finger Fillet. Yikes! I got 1995 before I hacked off my last finger.

Voting day for U.S. citizens!

Nov 02, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | 2 Comments
At this writing the Current Electoral Vote Predictor 2004 has Kerry ahead 298 to 231.

This is a big one. Go voice your opinion.

Globalvote 2004

Nov 01, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Globalvote 2004 - where non-americans get to vote - have your say in the US election. I've shared the link before but have another look.

If only we could vote in the US election. Things would be a little different. You would think people inside the US would take note of how much the rest of the world dislikes their current President. I guess voting for someone other than George Bush would be unpatriotic. Kerry seems like a bit of a goof too, but in a less harmful, non-entity kind of way.

My prediction: Bush wins another squeaker. There will be more squawking about vote tampering etc. We will probably see Iran and Syria occupied by US forces while the problems in the Sudan and Zimbabwe (and within other brutal regimes) continue to go on unimpeded. There will be much more death and carnage and oil prices will stay very high. Finally, the US will find itself in such a hole diplomatically that to dig out is nearly impossible. It's almost there now.

I hope and pray that I'm wrong and my pessimism is unwarranted and way off the mark.

There's always Pravda's take on Bush. Perhaps a little extreme... kind of like these ads from MoveOn.org. I'd be lying if I said they didn't make me a little afraid of the next four years.

Kneel!

Nov 01, 2004 by Mike Browne in Movies and TV | Add comment
KNEEL! You have reached GeneralZod.net. Terence Stamp was a little tougher as Zod in Superman than he was as Bernadette in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (but not much).

AFTERLIVING

Nov 01, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
AFTERLIVING - The Process of Mummification with Martha Stewart. It looks as though Martha is learning a ton of stuff in the slammer.

Hugeurl

Nov 01, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
I don't know why anyone would want to do it but if you go to hugeurl you can generate a massive URL redirect to any particular site. For example blog.mikebrowne.com becomes:


http://hugeurl.com/?N2RmZDFlMGQ4NWUwNWMwMmVjMzIxM2QwMzU5NmFk
MzMmMTImVm0wd2QyUXlVWGxXYTJoV1YwZG9WVll3Wkc5alJsWjBUVlpPV0Za
c2JETlhhMUpUVmpGYWMySkVUbGhoTWsweFZqQmFTMk15U2tWVWJHaG9UVmhD
VVZadGVGWmxSbGw1Vkd0c2FsSnRhRzlVVjNOM1pVWmFkR05GZEZSTlZUVkpW
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b3dWakZhV0ZOcmJGSmlSMmhZV1d4b2IwMHhXbGRYYlVaclVsUkdXbGt3WkRS
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VW5OalJtUllZbFZhY1ZscldtRmxWbVJ5VjI1a1YwMUVSa1pWYkZKRFZqQXhk
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aE9WazVzWWtad2VGVXlkR0ZpUmxwelUyeHdXbFpXY0hKWlZXUkdaV3hHY21K
R1pHbFhSVXBKVm10U1IyRXhaRWRVYmtwb1VqTm9WRmxZY0ZkWFZscFlZMFU1
YVUxWFVraFdNalZUVkd4a1NGVnNXbFZXTTFKNlZHdGFZVkl5UmtoUFYyaHBV
bGhDTmxkVVFtRmpNV1IwVWxoc2FGSldTbUZhVjNSaFlVWnJlRmRyZEd0U2Ez
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QXhSVkpzVGxaU2JFWXpWVVpGT1ZCUlBUMD0=


Isn't that exciting? No? Useful? No? Sorry...

Bushmunch

Nov 01, 2004 by Mike Browne in Hmmmmmm | Add comment
Bushmunch & Dickhead in "4 More Years!!" Now that some funny crap. I can't wait until this nightmare is over.