Mike Browne’s Blog

Lists of Bests : The Online Film Critics Society’s ‘Top 100 Overlooked Films of the 1990s’. Check out the other lists too. Worth a peek.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G
tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd: “If I tell you
exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you let me take
one home for my dinner?”

The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: “Sure. Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the
internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get
an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA
satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a
MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with
hundreds of complex formulae.

He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and,
after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a
full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP
LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and says: “You have exactly
1,586 sheep”.

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep,” says the
shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the
shepherd says to the young man: “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what
your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: “Okay, why
not?”.
“You’re a consultant,” says the shepherd.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required,” answers the shepherd. “You showed up here
even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I
already knew to a question I never asked, and you know nothing about
my business.

“Now give me back my dog.”

Thanks to oily Oli, the drunk Scotsman in dual thongs for this little gem. Check out his photgraphy. Great stuff.

Ninjas Killed My Family. Thanks Jackson. I know you’re still drunk and all, but it hasn’t affected your funny.

Listen to drunken shoutouts… ’nuff said. Ahh Christmas time.

Im not sure how to react to <%media(bashcanada.wmv|these commentators'" /> [wmv] ( take on Canada. Bu was I a little offended? You betcha… I understand the message behind what they’re saying, but how about saying it with a little more compassion and tolerance. This attitude is a big part of the reason why people in other parts of the world dislike the US. Not nice Ann. Pretty mean spirited Tucker. Clearly trying to be funny… yet somehow missing just slightly. Grown men in bowties? Now that’s funny.

Tons of other blogs and sites have posted it so why shouldn’t I? here it is: ps. i’ll find my frog
Gawd. I’m such a follower.

Wow. I almost forgot to post this for Schlemiel. Happy first night of Channukah. Here’s a hit of the Dreidel song for you.

Check out this story about a kitty getting an MBA from an online college. I think Moosh needs a PHD in Philosophy.

UPDATE: Online university sued as a result… thanks Ross

It’s that time of year again. We’re running odds (as we are wont to do) on who will pass out this fine evening after overindulgence at the open bar at our annual staff Xmas party taking place at the fully rented Ginger62. There’s always one… Last year our PR man who was humiliated when the year prior’s Marketing type turned “drinkin’ overdoin’ it champ”, our Brutally Honest1, Nic, wrote “L.A. Times this” on the poor sap’s forehead in mascara. There is photography of his relatively deep coma and the results of Nic’s artistic endeavours, yet I hesitate to publish as the gentleman in question is a hockey player and would most likely jersey me and have me pay dearly. Not worth the price of a giggle at his expense. Adding insult to injury he was later rolled for his watch and given a sound thumping by a pair of ruffians. Yikes. There were other goings on but, I’ll leave those up to your imagination. It’s what you might expect with an Internet gambling related company’s holiday antics… and then some.

Who will it be this year? Not a clue. I don’t drink so I am, thankfully out of the running, although I could have been a contender in a past life. Hmmmm…

Perhaps we’ll see a tree built much like this one sent to me by Big Al Mac before the night is over: