Mike Browne’s Blog

Since I quit smoking 4 and a half years ago my sense of smell has come back. Some times I wish it hadn’t.

When I piled onto the bus with the other lemmings for my thankfully short morning jaunt up Burrard St. to work, my nose was assailed by the pungent odor of cheap perfume. A 50 something woman was sitting there looking quite dishevelled (frizzy hair and a dress that looked slept in) and smelling like a “whore at a picnic” (Thanks to Doreen T for that gem).

The smell was so startling that I winced and gave an involuntary groan. I had to keep my head back for the whole time she was on the bus. I mean, good Lord! Did she just soak herself in that crap? Yuck! Actually I think I can still smell it. It’s probably embedded in my nostril hairs and I’ll have to get my nose bleached out.

I guess I need to watch out with my olfactory obsessions or I’ll end up like Patrick Süskind’s character in his novel Perfume.

The West Coast Express broke down on Clean Air Day. The 4:20 pm train crapped out and had to go for repairs right before the passengers were to board. They brought in another train that was 3 cars shorter, so not everyone got a seat (I did). It left 10 minutes late. People were standing up until we had made the first couple of stops.

I take back what I said before. Commuting today was neither convienient nor easy.

Happy Clean Air Day!

What a bunch of goofballs.

According to Translink today, June 5 2002, is Clean Air Day. They had people handing out free copies of the Vancouver Sun and tree seedlings smothered in sealed plastic from Tree Canada.

“Thanks for your clean commute!”, the glossy flyer says. What’s it made of? Paper. The newspaper? Yes, paper too. I’ll recycle them. However, didn’t trees die to make their Clean Air Day crap? Yes!

How transparently promotional. Their crappy corporations that offer bad service at an exorbitant cost to the consumer think a stick in a bag and a rag of a newspaper will keep commuters using their service? Give me a break. Keep your papers and your guilt gift of the tree seedling choking in the plastic and give us a break on the cost of transit (that’s 172.50 x 2 every 28 days + 15 for parking). We commute because it’s convenient and easy, not because we want dead trees. Nor do we have the illusion that it saves us money or helps the environment. myahhh!

Hey! Pew! Good Gawd!

Who cut the cheese? Who dropped a rose? Who broke wind? Did a cow crap in here? Did you open an old jar of pickles? Hoof Hearted?

The horny dolphin is comin’ to get you! Ooooh! Flipper!

“Truth Is…” was the name of a really bad short film done as a class project in which I played the drug addled kidnapper/pimp Zeb. I was a full time acting student at VFS at the time. I was also about 30 odd pounds thinner. I found this screenshot of my big screen debut in some old files today. Hehe! Have a look:

The actress in the frame with me looked quite a bit like Winona Ryder (but was definitely not her). Winona had her elbow broken by an overzealous TV cameraman today as she entered court to face charges of drug possession, vandalism and shoplifting. Free Winona!

There are no windows that one can open on the West Coast Express. People fart all the time. Apparently as much as 20 times pper day and uncontrollably at that. So when we ride in to work every morning we have to smell the stink of people’s bums. Recycled air sucks.

I need to send the WCE to the Poop Report.

The stench was revolting today. I think I’ll eat beans and cabbage tonight. That’ll show them.

Mike said, “Let there be Blog!” and there was.

This is the start of the mikebrowne.com weblog. The look is going to change considerably, but the navigation and functionality will stay the same.

I’m going to start us off with a little picture of me in Disneyland. See hideous pic below:

and a link to some more of the pictures we took while in CA.

Yippee!

[imported post from my old blog at moosh.org]

I haven’t said a peep over the last weeks. Been busy. Been sick. As for the busy part, I did a website for Floris Coffee Centre. And I also found out that my friend Joe aka Samson in NYC is very ill with cancer with a very dire prognosis. He’s a good egg and needs your prayers.