I got a letter in February about my search for my birth parents from the Adoption Disclosure Services Program in NS. The are ”ready to begin the search” for my birth mother. They requested I send a letter for my birth mother describing myself and my family – like a non-identifying biography. They also want a snapshot of me to have ready for my birth mother if the are “fortunate enough to find her”.
I’ve been waffling on this, mostly because I don’t know if a) I can handle being ‘rejected’ (all perceived) by this person again b) I’m afraid of what I might find out and c) What will become of me once I have this information that I’ve never had before?
I have in recent weeks received a number of emails regarding my being adopted and my search. One email I got from Karin in the US who happened to be born on exactly the same day in the same year as me sharing her positive experience with an adoption reunion from only the day before.
“Hello Mike. This is the universe calling. It’s time you did something with this.”
On the upside it’s not taking three years as I shared on my blog for them to get to my case. Even though it took more than a year I’m still amazed. Along those lines I recieved a note from Lori, a community services researcher for the NDP in Nova Scotia. She said she wants my case to be raised in the Nova Scotia legislature highlighting the understaffing at the Adoption Disclosure Services Program in NS and perhaps have me speak to the press about it as well.
Wow! Who knew that people would find something on my blog to further a cause. I just thought I was spewing junk.
I’m not sure that the press would be the right idea as I don’t want to publicly humiliate my birth family and jeopardize the possiblity of a happy and private reunion. I don’t know their situation and am not prepared to hurt them in anyway just to find out what I desire to know. Who knows if the people in my birth family’s lives even know I exist. It’s not up to me to expose something that might be a deep dark family secret. That just doesn’t sit well with me.
So yes, I’ll write the bio and send the picture, but I don’t think I need the hooplah. I will share it here if I can. That might be enough for now.
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Might I advise against sending the picture of you as Travis Bickle. Might not be a great first impression (disturbingly accurate, but not good).
In all seriousness, I hope this goes well. I know it’s been said before, but getting closer to zero hour, I know we’re all hoping it.
Good idea not doing the press thing. It’s a noble cause but I know you’d just be a piece of meat thrown to the media/politcal sharks. Not the kind of karma you need on your back through this process.
I am really glad that you have decided to move forward. Like I said before- closure comes in all kinds of packages, so don’t get hung up on whether or not you’ll be "rejected."
When I finally decided to search for my parents, I had the mindset that there could have been any number of reasons that someone would have had to give me up, and not one scenario was good- all just different degrees of bad.
If you have a great experience like mine, fantastic. If you find someone who wants nothing to do with you, at least you found them and know.
Doesn’t look like you allow trackbacks, but I’ll let you know when I post on this very topic.
Best wishes, Mike.
-the prince
My hubby was adopted too.
In the past 5 or 6 years he has lost his sister and his father (his mother died way before that)…so his entire family is gone.
It wasn’t until we started our family that he started questioning about his biological parents.
It’s a sensitive subject with him…his attitude before kids was…well my real parents didn’t want me so I don’t want to know them. But when he lost his adoptive parents and his sister he started to get curious…so I’d be interested to find out how your search goes. It could go either way….
I have a friend I used to work with who searched for her biological father and mother and met both and … a whole new set of sisters and brothers. It was an amazing reunion.
She now is working for her real father and couldn’t be happier.
I hope everything works out for you Mike. You’re brave to venture out into the unknown. All my best to you!
Not really an adoption story but…
My uncle’s first wife left him, taking their very young daughter with her. He married again a few years later to my aunt who already had a son and then they had another son together. Years down the road both sons had died on seperate occasions, before the even had families of their own.
Then his daughter contacted him years later and suddenly he had a whole new family of grandchildren and their kids that made both their lives full again.
Even if the circumstances around your adoption were bad, years later the gunk may have washed away and you could have a great new family to enjoy.
Holy crap, I’m actually being optomistic for once.
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
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