Stop with the remakes

MoviesOnline.ca and TheMovieBlog have gone far to upset me over the past few days. First I find out they’re remaking Day of the Dead, the last in the original George A Romero zombie trilogy. Okay. That’s bad. I’m tired of the remakes. They usually suck pretty hard and are geared toward a brainless pg-13 audience. I have yet to see a remake that improved on the orignal.

At least they haven’t touched the holiest of holies, Night of the Living Dead. Wait a minute? What’s that you say? They’re remaking NotLD? In 3D?! *thump* (The thump is me hitting the floor after passing out from horror):

Night of the Living Dead… in 3D?! – The Movie Blog
New Night of the Living Dead Remake coming in 3D – MoviesOnline

I’m disgusted. I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. These things make money. That’s why they get made.

To hell with it. Let’s just remake every classic film. The clothes the people wear in films like The Exorcist and Gone with the Wind look kind of old so it’s time for an update.

It’s easy. Here’s the formula: Take a familiar story and put a star (or two) with some noteriety and a little bit of cutes, a hip soundtrack and market the crap out of the flick during the OC and Lost. Oh yeah, don’t let audiences preview it. Opening weekend box office is yours!

What shall we do first?

How about Citizen Kane? That tired old black and white movie could do with some colour, a reworked script, new stars and som cooler music. How about the ultra-cute Tom Welling from Smallvile in the lead and some music by the hip Ashley Simpson (I prefer this link).

Actually I bet that would sell. LAME! See I can be a remake producer too.

God help us. Next they’ll be doing a slick Blair Witch remake.

Dopey movie watcher: “Like, why is the camera all shakey? They should, like, remake this.” ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!

If you don’t like remakes and want to see original content don’t go see them. Boycott them. Discourage your friends from seeing them. Don’t let your children see them. Turn the TV channel when even an ad for one of these monstrosities comes on. When we stop watching them Hollywood will stop remaking them.

I know. I know. I worked on a remake (that’s me in the miscellaneous crew section). Yeah. I’m a Hollywood whore too, but hey… I gotta eat.