I love Jack Handey’s stuff

A classic:

Normally I don’t believe in miracles, but something happened when I was about seven years old I still can’t explain. I was on the front porch with Grandpa, about to eat my Twinkies, when Grandpa started grabbing his chest and saying he was having a heart attack. I ran to get Mom, but when I got back, Grandpa was okay. ‘An angel helped me,’ he said. ‘Also, he ate your Twinkies.’