I rub the lotion on my skin

The skin around my nose appears to be drying out. This started when we moved to our place three years ago and has steadily gotten worse since then. Maybe there’s something weird with the water or my diet. It started before Atkins so I know it’s not that. I’m not sure what’s up but it’s as irritating as all hell, let me tell you. I’m like some kind of old lady.Anyway, I’ve had to start using moisturizing lotion, cleaning solution and creams on my face. Frankly I’m kind of embarrased as I’ve never had problem skin before. Now when I’m going through my ritual every day in my head I hear Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs (one of my favourite films) saying:

“It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it’s told.” (wav 42.8 kb)

and when I resisit Bill says:

“It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” (wav 46.8 kb)

If I forget to put my stuff away I hear:

“Put the fucking lotion in the basket! arf!” (wav 37.3 kb)

I’m not sure why but I now have this weird urge to put on make up, jam my ding dong between my legs and dance around in front of a mirror listening to “this song” (mp3 2.51 mb).

Call the guys with the butterfly net and agent Clarice Starling. Mike is out of his mind.