Need a job?

Why not be the Canadian Wine Coordinator – Ottawa, ON. It’s a federal gig and pays $61,312 to $66,287. Perhaps if it was a position calling for an imbecilic drunkard wino who becomes hostile and belligerent then falls on his face while passing out, I would be more quailified. I have tons of experience. This is not the job for me. Perhaps 12 years ago, but now it would be a bad thing.

Me with that job:
“That was tasty wine. Let’s taste it until it’s gone. We’ll coordinate it all into my belly.”
*glub* *glub* *glub*
Why are you looking at me that way? You’re not so shpeshial… *hic*
Wanna fight, ya bashtard?! *hic* *urp*
(tips over)
*THUD*
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

UPDATE: in response to my post Jackson sent me this link to an eBay item:
A picture CD of Billie Simpson “Drunk Armless Midget”… WTF?